My dreams have changed

The post is non-technical one and full of myself ! comes a long time after a month long Google SoC sessions.

My dreams are changing. naa! Earlier they used to be about unfulfilled wishes of a dead mind. Somethings I used to find myself wandering inside trysts of Silcon Valley, or breaking into the securest Unix servers, other times modding my computer monitor to receive transmits from the extra terrestrial and displaying them as we see in the movies . Pretty puerile . eh!

Today I finished up with my semester exams. On a general note , almost all were bad and I am expecting about 2 supplementaries this time too. Anyway I am not talking my exam experience here.

The last time, I remember I saw myself juxtaposed to life’s serious worries . Getting an employment, being able to achieve the personal nirvana. All the fears came oozing out slowly and steadily through my dreams. Which makes me a somnambulist (kidding !).. I saw my mother die, myself drowning in a sea of tarcoal and still reaching out for my Ipod so that nothing bad enters it.

This is fear, I interpret. Fear of failure.

I fail a lot, in exams, in something the system demands and ego doesn’t. This part of failure had began the day I failed to respond back to my dear dad’s emototrauma, I came here- purposeless. Just for the sake of it.

Either I could have been a fish in the open waters, devouring or getting devoured. Nothing in between. Now it is more like a dog who might be wishing to rumshack and bite his master, but cannot since if he does so he will not be given his bread. My first year was full of scorch ridden agony due to random thoughts overpowering me.

Around 650 days have passed I am carrying this tag. And I don’t think I will lose it before my secret goal is reached

I am going to Kote gate now, I think some roadside walk and random photography with beer will be a great idea.